Together forever.
Escaping your ex-boyfriend in the cloud age.
Rot in hell you piece of arse.
Some break-ups are messy, dramatic, and honestly absolutely fucking shit. They cost you every bit of strength and energy. And no, you do not want to stay friends. So, you take all your old pictures and burn them to a smelly, black, ugly ,fucking paste and move on – until you make an uncontrolled swipe right on your iPhone and end up on that “left from home screen”-screen and stare right at your past.
What was clearly invented to remind you of fun times, laughs and “Oh my god!”-weekends, creates a real visual problem for everyone who doesn’t live in a candy cotton world. Just imagine you come out of a long relationship, so you have tons and megatons of pictures on your phone and in your cloud – of and with that specific other person – chances to see their face whenever you go left from your home-screen are pretty damn high. And with every picture you must relive whatever situation you were in on that 21. Of June in 2019, 0r 18 or 20.
The sofa is yours. The table is mine.
Even if your break-up was a very grown-up respectful one, the one, where you do stay friends and visit each other at the new apartment (and even bring salt and bread) it can still hurt to be reminded of an old life every time you swipe. Especially, if you have a new someone in your life.
What makes this “swipe-phobia” even worse is, that the algorithm behind the “pic of the day” makes absolutely no sense. Swipe and your new boyfriend has a 50-50 chance of seeing you drunk with your girlfriends or a lovely portray of your ex. Preferably naked. Or with you standing next to him, lusting after him, glowing with love and admiration.
What to do with the masses of pictures?
Delete them? Sure, you could, but wouldn’t that mean deleting a part of you too? And what about the pictures that show him but also other friends? You can’t just throw the whole gang under the bus. Even worse, what if you have a family? Delete your kids? Impossible.
Accept it? Embrace it as part of your history, take another megaton of new pictures and wait years till the old ones slowly fade out? Maybe – but you are aware that the same shit is happening on his phone. One swipe and swoosh, there you are, stuffing your face, looking grumpy as fuck, laughing like a horse, walking like a duck, drunk as fuck.
What a nice thought!
Especially, if he has a new someone in his life.
Dilemma.
The cloud creates a whole new set of break-up questions like: shall we both delete each other? No wait, you have pictures of me that I don’t have, so let’s first create a shared folder, upload every picture that we have of each other and then … then what?
Dear fucking cloud, you got to listen.
This is the part where this collection of words turns into an idea. As our gallerys are very well able to recognize faces, why can’t we “blind” some. Stop them from turning up on the screen. It doesn’t have to be forever. Maybe we start with “blind for 6 months” …
Just and idea.
But until I have a perfect solution, I will train my thump to swipe left. Only.
